Part 1

We have to decide whether to make Dash do something he really doesn’t want to do. In the scope of life, a tiny decision, one that doesn’t even merit a word with three syllables…. Let’s call it a “choice,”  less significant than so many of the choices we lucky middle-class parents get to make (soccer or hip-hop on Wednesdays?)  Not life or death, not a safety issue…

If I make him go to Coney Island with his class (24 subway stops as he’s counted) and then return (24 stops again) will he feel triumphant, and therein is it worth the anguish it will take to a) get him to school, b) burden his amazing teachers with his anxiety on the train ride there and back? And what does it mean that I’m taking this singular person and bending him to my will because I think it’s “good for him”? Is this what it means to be a parent?

Those of us who are married make some sort of promise to each other whether it’s to be there in sickness and health or not to tattoo someone else’s name on your hip. But what do we promise as parents?

Most of us force them go to the doctor, eat the occasional vegetable, get a good amount of sleep, take a bath, not play with fire. Generally, no-brainers….

But then there are these decisions in which we have to play both parent and kid (and psychotherapist)….What will he think I’ll make him do next if I force him? What will he try to escape doing next if I don’t? Or more important, how will he feel if he doesn’t go? Relieved, disappointed, can I go so far as to say self-loathing?  Does he expect me to do this for him? Is this one of those moments that I’m supposed to step up and be the grown-up? I—who feel more comfortable before making a decision than relieved after—am now consistently put in a position of deciding for someone else.

 My goodness, if my grandfather could hear my vacillations… I can hear his LES immigrant voice, “force him? Of course, you force him. It’s a school trip, he goes!” But we are neither parents of that time— evidenced by our taking the word “parent” and using it as a verb—nor can we pretend to be.

Stay tuned for fallout… same alien time, same alien station.